A Personal Note Before You Read...
Guilty as charged.
If you've ever walked away from a conversation thinking, "Steve sure can talk," or if you've received one of my longer emails or messages, I owe you a slight apology. When I'm passionate about helping someone, I sometimes share more than I probably should.
As you read this article, you'll notice I use the word "I" quite a bit. That's intentional—not because this article is about me, but because I've learned that sharing personal experiences often illustrates a lesson better than simply teaching it. My hope is that somewhere in these experiences, you'll recognize a little of yourself. If you're a business owner, manager, salesperson, or anyone whose success depends on building relationships, chances are you've experienced many of these same frustrations yourself.
That realization changed the way I communicate. My hope is that by the time you finish reading, it might change the way you think about communication, too.
~ Author, Steve Davies | LocalBizNet.com
Why Communication Can Be So Frustrating
One of my biggest pet peeves has always been poor communication. More specifically, I've struggled with people who don't respond to emails, acknowledge text messages, return phone calls, or seem to lose interest halfway through a conversation. Like many professionals, I viewed these situations as evidence that people simply weren't good communicators.
Over time, however, I began asking myself a different question. What if my frustration wasn't entirely about their communication? What if some of it came from expecting them to communicate the way I do?
That simple question led me down a path I hadn't expected.
As business owners and professionals, we often hold ourselves to high standards. We try to respond promptly, honor commitments, return calls, and follow through when we say we're going to do something. Those habits become part of our personal and professional identity. Without realizing it, we begin assuming those same standards are shared by everyone around us.
When they aren't, disappointment naturally follows.
A Lesson From Psychology
During my search for answers, I came across a psychological principle known as the False Consensus Effect. It's the tendency to believe that other people think, prioritize, and behave much like we do.
That idea immediately resonated with me.
If responding quickly to an email feels like common courtesy, it's easy to assume everyone else sees it the same way. If you value detailed communication and keeping people informed, you naturally expect others to do likewise. The problem is that those expectations are based on our own experiences, personalities, and values—not necessarily on someone else's.
In hindsight, I realized I wasn't just evaluating how other people communicated. I was evaluating them against my own communication standards.
That's an important distinction.
People Are Not Like You
One sentence has stayed with me ever since:
People are not like you. They are like themselves.
It sounds obvious, yet we forget it every day.
Every person we meet brings a different personality, different experiences, different priorities, and different pressures into every conversation. Some people are exceptionally organized. Others live in a constant state of catching up. Some enjoy thoughtful, detailed discussions. Others prefer to exchange only the information they believe is necessary.
Neither style automatically makes someone a better or worse communicator.
It simply makes them different.
The more I accepted that reality, the less frustrated I became. Instead of assuming someone was being inconsiderate because they hadn't replied to an email, I began recognizing that they might simply manage communication differently than I do. That shift didn't excuse poor behavior when it genuinely existed, but it reminded me not to assign motives without evidence.
Communication Is More Than Speaking
Another lesson gradually became clear.
We often think of communication as the ability to speak clearly, write well, or explain complex ideas. Those skills certainly matter, but they represent only part of the equation.
Real communication begins with understanding the person on the other side of the conversation.
For years, my mindset was fairly simple: How would I want someone to communicate with me? While that seems reasonable, it places our own preferences at the center of every interaction.
A better question is this:
How does this person prefer to communicate?
That subtle change encourages curiosity instead of assumption. It requires us to observe more carefully, listen more attentively, and adapt our communication style to the individual rather than expecting everyone else to adapt to ours.
The Expert's Dilemma
This lesson became especially relevant as I thought about my own conversations.
Like many professionals, I enjoy helping people solve problems. When someone asks a question about marketing, websites, reputation management, or business strategy, my instinct is to provide as much value as possible. Unfortunately, enthusiasm sometimes becomes information overload.
Most experts face this challenge.
We spend years developing knowledge, so it's natural to share everything we know. Yet most people aren't looking for a complete education. They're looking for clarity. They want enough information to solve the problem they're facing today.
I've learned that communication often improves when we resist the temptation to answer questions that haven't yet been asked. Giving people room to ask the next question keeps them engaged, whereas overwhelming them with too much information often has the opposite effect.
Sometimes saying less creates more meaningful conversations.
Rethinking Silence
Perhaps the greatest change in my thinking has involved unanswered messages.
Like many of you, I've sent emails that received no response. I've left voicemails that were never returned and messages that seemed to disappear into thin air. My first reaction was often to assume the other person simply didn't care enough to reply.
Today, I try to pause before drawing that conclusion.
People are busy. They're distracted. They read a message while standing in line at the grocery store and genuinely intend to respond later. Then another email arrives, another phone call comes in, another meeting begins, and your message quietly slips out of sight.
Does that happen every time? Of course not.
Some people are poor communicators. Some people avoid difficult conversations. Some people simply choose not to respond.
But I've learned that assuming the worst rarely improves the situation. Extending a little grace while following up professionally has proven to be a far healthier and more productive approach.
Better Expectations Create Better Communication
The irony is that I set out to become a better communicator by improving what I said.
Instead, I discovered that I needed to improve what I expected.
The moment I stopped measuring everyone against my own communication habits, many of my frustrations began to disappear. I became more patient. I listened more carefully. I asked better questions. I found myself trying to understand people instead of evaluating them.
Ironically, that change also made me a more effective communicator.
Communication has never been simply about choosing the right words. It's about building understanding between two people who may think, prioritize, and experience the world very differently. The sooner we recognize that, the stronger our relationships become—whether in business, leadership, friendships, or family.
The next time someone doesn't respond as quickly as you hoped or communicates in a way that feels very different from your own, resist the urge to assume the worst. Instead, remind yourself of a simple truth that has changed the way I approach nearly every conversation:
People are not like you. They are like themselves.
Once we truly understand that, better communication no longer begins with better words.
It begins with better expectations.
Better communication isn't about finding the perfect words. It's about replacing assumptions with understanding, expectations with patience, and frustration with grace. When we do that, we don't just become better communicators—we become better people.